th-4 TWO COMPETITORS are retiring this year after tying by a landslide last year. To let them compete this year would be set a bad president for other hopefuls.

Escaped Great Pumpkin and Flock of Seagull cover band leader Donald Trump (seen here trying remember if he is pro-choice or anti-choice).

Drumpf will go on to become the 45th and final president of the USA. In a reversal of his views on President Obama’s use of Executive Authority he plans to use the power to strike down sad incest laws so he can marry Ivanka and make her First Lady. Typical of his half-assed plans, he will forget he is already married to Melania, Ivanka is married to human invertebrate Jared Kushner, and that 95% of the country is retching for four years. At most.

Professional Grandpa Munster and The Penth-5guin impersonator Ted Cruz (caught here in a rare moment of attempting to project a human emotion, wistfulness, perhaps).

Cruz plans to resurrect the HUAC hearing to find U.S. citizens who are both patriotic enough and have not have not seen him peel his human mask off to reveal his alien reptilian face. These loyal few will block women’s health centres to bring him the foetal stem cells he must consume to survive. The mothers will appear missing posters.

Let the competition begin…

Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte!th-3